Tuesday, September 20, 2011

2011 Emmys Fashion - the Fabulous AND the Fugly

I'm not a big celeb watcher, I don't buy gossip magazines, I have no idea who the actors in Gossip Girl are and to be perfectly honest I didn't recognise half of the people at the Emmys this year.  But what I do like is fashion - especially the dressed up, glam Hollywood kind.

So, in the aftermath of a horrible, horrible week, this post is nothing but light, indulgent fluff.....just like Hollywood!

Emmy Trends otherwise known as OMG, we're wearing the same dress!

The big trend at the Emmys this year was RED.  Honestly, its hard to go wrong in a red dress I think.  The only problem I can foresee is turning up and seeing 50 other women also wearing a red dress......there goes your red carpet spotlight moment.

From left to right we have Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang, Kate Winslett in Elie Saab (the man can do no wrong!), Nina Dobrev in Donna Karan (this dress is gorgeous, but not exactly fashion forward), Lea Michele in Marchesa and Kerry Washington in Zuhair Murad Couture (my least favourite of these).

I love Kate Winslet's face in her red carpet shot.....here's a close up.....she's like 'Yes I know I'm on the red carpet and you're taking my picture but this is as much as I will pose or smile because I'm British, goddammit.'  She looks stunning, without trying too hard or posing like a complete, well, poser.

Speaking of posers....POSING TIPS 1.01

If you are ever photographed at a celebrity event, do not pose like this unless you want to look like a female wrestler or a throwback to Alexis and Krystal in Dynasty.  And for that matter, never wear midnight blue pleated satin either.  No good can come of it.  This is Kyle Richards in Ines de Santo.  Don't ask me who she is, I have no idea.

Following on with our posing don'ts.......avoid posing like a tart, doing your hair like this or wearing corpse lipstick unless you want to look like the Zombie Bride.  There are so many horrible things happening here I can barely look away, its like a train wreck.  This is Paz de la Huerta in an unknown designer (probably too embarrassed to advertise their name).  I have no idea who Paz de la Huerta is, but she needs a stylist.  And if she already has a stylist, that stylist should get a new job....maybe at a funeral home.

Red Carpet Tips

My next red carpet tip is to avoid wearing.....BROWN.  Now don't get me wrong, I love brown.  If you are wearing riding boots, brown is great.  If you are hunting grouse in Scotland with Liz and Phil, brown is perfect.  But brown on the red carpet never, EVER looks good.  Next to everybody else on the red carpet, you just look like a big stinky satin turd.  And if you have brown hair the same colour as your brown dress, well its even worse.  This dress would be gorgeous in green (think Keira Knightley in Atonement) but in brown, you just look like Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo.  This is Kristen Wiig in Zac Posen.

My second tip is to avoid anything that makes you look like a toilet dolly, or gives you the impression tit has been attacked by a lawnmower or other gardening implement - this includes pruning shears and hedge trimmers.  Here is the gorgeous Heidi Klum in Christian Siriano.  Maybe she got inspiration from Project Runway, I don't know, but this dress is awful.  She looks like a sea sponge or possibly an anemone.  If this dress fell straight to the floor with that soft tulle cascading down like a waterfall, it would be divine and highlight just how beautiful she is.  Instead, she looks like something from Finding Nemo.

On the subject of pruning shears......this is Heather Morris from Glee in an unknown designer.  I'm still in two minds about this dress.  I think, possibly, there may be someone out there who could wear it and pull it off, but it's not this girl.  She looks like a teenager being swallowed alive by a Venus Fly Trap. Or maybe I'm just getting put off by the "Something About Mary" hair.  

My final red carpet tip.... if you don't want to look like a complete bobble head, eat something every once in a while.  If your head looks ten times larger than the rest of your body, you've gone to far in the quest for size zero perfection.  This is Julie Bowen in Oscar de la Renta.  Julie needs to become acquainted with pasta.

Celebrity Style Suggestions

Dear Gwyneth, unless you want to look like your starring in 'My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding' cover up your midriff!  We know you are fit, we know you have a hot bod, but it kind of looks trampy and cheap.  I have taken the liberty of re-designing Gwyneth's dress from Emilio Pucci and I personally think it looks way more sophisticated and elegant and less like something worn by the Pussy Cat Dolls.  Less is more Gwynny!

This is Julia Stiles in George Hobeika Couture.  I actually love this dress, the wrapping detail and lacework around the bust is just gorgeous.....but it's so pale you can hardly see the detail.  I feel as if I am looking at her through a fog.  On the right hand side, I upped the contrast on the dress to make it darker and more vibrant.....now you can just how gorgeous this dress is and to be honest it makes Julia look less washed out too.  

Christina Hendricks.......well, what can you say but va va voom!  Rather like myself, Christina has ENORMOUS boobs.  Apparently, she is a 38 DDD and they are real (hmmmm, I am highly suspicious that there is a pair of boobs within 500 miles of Hollywood that are real but anyway....

On the left is Christina at the Emmy's wearing Johanna Johnson.  On the right is Christina at another event wearing a dress with the same neck line.  Now, I know how hard it is to dress a big pair of boobs (although mine are nowhere near 38 DDD) but the 'two conjoined canteloupes' look is not the way to do it.  This is horrible, not only does she looks matronly - she looks like she is trying to channel Dolly Parton, and as much as I love Dolly - a style icon she is not.

The photos underneath are of Christina in a photo shoot for New York magazine.  This kind of bustier/corset neckline is so much more flattering.  Her boobs look great and won't explode on impact should you give her a hug (this must be one of the reasons celebrities do the air kiss).

 Emmy Fashion Favourites

Okay, I've bitched enough.  There were a couple of complete stand outs on the Emmys Red Carpet for me.  Here are my favourites......

This is Cobie Smulders (she certainly does) wearing Alberta Ferretti.  I ADORE this dress.  In a sea of black, red and nude, this colour looks amazing.  Im not even sure what you would call this blue....aquamarine, turquoise, Aegean sea....I have no idea, but it's fabulous.  The draping is elegant and flattering.  I love the soft shoulder detail and it looks like a comfy dress to wear.  I love her hair in shiny loose waves and her make up is very pretty.  The whole effect looks light and pretty and graceful without being overdone.

And finally, my favourite for the night was Evan Rachel Wood in Elie Saab.  Elie Saab is god's gift to haute couture.  The man is a genius.  This entire outfit is channelling old Hollywood glamour but the cap shoulder detail and neckline make it modern and interesting.  She looks amazing, without showing all that much skin (take a note Gwyneth).  I'd love to know what the back of this dress was like.  I love her 30's hair, her smokey eyes, her red lips and the cuff and clutch are just perfect in setting this dress off without distracting too much.  In the words of Alex Perry, she looks 'expensive'.

What did you think of the Emmy's red carpet fashion?  Were there any outfits you hated or loved?


  1. I have close to zero interest in the Emmy's, and I'm no fashionista by a long shot but this post had me giggling and nodding along :D

    I LOVE the bluey aqua turquoisey dress too, that colour is gorgeous!

  2. Oh my goodness - gasp-snort-gasp - you are hilarious! I LOVE this post! I really needed this today after a crappity-crap-crap few days of d.r.a.m.a. (Loved the bit about the brown dress - Mr Hanky and the Christmas Poo - baaaahaaaaa!)

    I love Gwyneth - so pleased you fixed her dress!

    I didn't really get into the Emmy's this year - so glad you did. Watch out though - you may get called upon to be a stylist baby!

  3. Still making me smile Eloise! You are a hoot to read, great observations and funny as well. Thanks!!!!

  4. Hi Eloise, Loved your Post and loved what you did with Julia's and Gwyneths dresses. Looked so much better. Karan

  5. You and I had very similar thoughts on this. And oh, the back of Evan Rachel Wood's dress was AMAZING. Google it to see if you can find it.

  6. My fav is definitely Kate Winslet, she looks stunning. And I love what you did with Gwynnie's dress, looks so much more sophisticated and actually makes it a gorgeous dress. Great post. (Gotta love a fluff post every now and then :p )

  7. Hilarious critiques! I especially agree about the coral look alike dress from finking nemo.

    Following now!

  8. love how you fixed Gwns dress~ it looks so much better how you have it!

    I love Kate Winslet she always look awesome and classy!

  9. You are one very clever and funny lady! Thanks for the giggle ;) Great touch ups on the dresses. What was Gwyneth thinking? Maybe it was a one piece and she ripped it in the car door or something?!? I like the brown dress, but yes, unfortunate colour.


Thanks for commenting, I appreciate you taking the time xxx

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