Things My Boys Have Broken....

Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in a cool warehouse apartment in the inner city filled with antiques and nick nacks she had collected over the previous 15 years.....then she met the Rock God, fell in love, moved out into suburbia and had 4 small monsters boys in 5 years.

Her life, and her house, have never been the same since!

This is a pictorial selection of just some of the things her kids have got their grubby little hands on and destroyed....

1. A Pearl Necklace

This necklace represents all the jewellery my boys have snapped, twisted, pulled apart, dressed up in, used as a lasoo and attempted to strangle their brothers with.

2. An Early Edition German to English Dictionary

This dictionary represents all the books in my possession that have had their covers torn off, pages ripped out, spines broken or have been drawn in.  It had a lovely embossed leather spine.  Note, I used the past tense, HAD.

3. The Downstairs Toilet Door Handle 

This door handle represents all the door handles in my house that are wobbly and about to fall off due to being swung on, tied to things, used as battering ram with a kid on either side, and generally mistreated.  I will get around to fixing it one day....or I might just face reality and leave it how it is because I will only end up fixing it again in two months time.

4. A 42" Inch Plasma TV

This TV represents all the electrical equipment we have owned that has died at the hands of the boys.  DVD's and video players have had toast, toy cars, teaspoons and coins of various denominations inserted inside them.  Portable DVD players have had cordial and milk poured over the top of them.  TV's have had the video and game plugs snapped off inside them.

This particular TV blew up about 3 weeks ago when No. 3 shoved a screw driver into the power board. Fortunately the safety switch saved him from being electrocuted, however we weren't able to resuscitate the TV.  A new one has arrived today - I give it 6 months to live!

5. Antique Bust from a French Monastery

This statue represents all the things the kids have destroyed that I haven't noticed at the time and by the time I did, it's been too late.  Yes, it looks as though my handsome young priest has been attacked by a zombie with a really bad cold, but actually its globs of acrylic paint which (because it sits right underneath a central heating duct) has hardened to a consistency that could hold the International Space Station together.  I have scraped, I have scratched, I have pulled.....its not coming off.  *sigh*

6. My Grandmother's Vintage Lacquered Keepsake Box from Burma, circa 1930's.

My grandmother passed away when I was 8 years old.  Other than her jewellery, which was passed down to me, this is the only keepsake I have of her.  Its a beautiful red lacquered box with a hand painted dragon on the top and a hinged lid with a lock and key (this photo doesn't do it justice).

Inside my grandmother had kept love letters, Valentines cards and photos of the young man she was in love with who was stationed with the Marines in Burma in the early 1930's (this is not the man she later married).  She kept this box her whole life and I have always wondered who this mystery man was and what happened to him.

This box is one of my most precious belongings and when my first born son at 18 months old figured out how to open the lid one day and snapped it off, I actually cried.

7. An Early Victorian 'Mother of Pearl' Antique Hall Chair

This chair is one of a pair of antique hall chairs that I scrimped and saved to buy when I was about 20 years old.  It dates to the early 1840's at the beginning of Queen Victoria's reign when it was popular to decorate furniture with mother of pearl shell.  It still had the original woven rattan seat until one of the boys stood on it and put his foot through it.  I can only assume that all of the owners over the past 170 years have had children that knew how to behave girls.

8. An Artist's Hand Model

This hand represents all the small little things in my house that are just not quite right anymore, have been glued together, sticky taped back up or turned around to hide the cracks....it was originally a gift from my mother but apparently, if shoved up the arm of your school jumper, also makes an excellent substitute for Luke Skywalker's robot hand from 'Return of the Jedi'.

9. A Blank Wall

This may look like an ordinary bathroom wall but once upon a time, a stainless steel towel rail used to live here.  Unfortunately, directly underneath this wall is the end of the bath......

One evening while cooking dinner I heard an enormous crashing and splashing from upstairs.  Thinking the bath was about to crash through the ceiling I raced up the stairs two-at-a-time to find two naughty boys in the bath still hanging on to the towel rail and two massive holes in my wall.

The holes have been patched.  The towel rail is in storage.

10.  My Spirit and Will to Live!

Well almost....despite all of these misadventures, I'm still carrying on and I've learnt a lot of valuable lessons -

• if you have children, anything you love DEARLY should be boxed and stored at the top of your wardrobe for the next 20 years.

• if you have children, anything - no matter how seemingly indestructible - can be broken

• if you have children, don't bother buying nice furniture until they are at least 10 years old or have moved out of home

I have also come to realise that all the nice houses and apartments you see in Vogue Living and Elle Decor are owned by childless couples!

Let's sympathise together....have your kids trashed anything precious?

Polly Dolly: Kaftan

I'm linking up with Danimezza for this week's Polly Dolly Polyvore challenge!

This week's inspiration is KAFTAN....

Polly Dolly is doing kaftan with glam in a fuschia silk kaftan, turquoise jewellery and impossible shoes.  I imagine she is sipping on something cocktailly while basking in the sun on a private yacht in the French Riviera.

Yes, I am aware, this is extremely unlikely to EVER happen :)

Pinterest Party: In the words of Coldplay - its all Yellow...

I'm joining the Pinterest Party at Down That Little Lane.

Spring is here, hooray hoorah!  Its time to de-winter our homes and what better way to bring spring into your house than with a dash of yellow!  Not many of us are brave enough to decorate with yellow but here are some easy ways you can add some sunshine to your nest.

These are some of my pins from my 'I can dream can't I?' board on Pinterest.

Not learning from our mistakes....

In 1914, a member of the Austrian royal family was assassinated in the city of Sarajevo.  This one isolated act of terrorism ultimately determined that an 18 year old farm boy from a small country town in Western Australia, would never live to see his 19th birthday.

95 years ago, on this very day, he would fall on the battlefields of France, a world away from his home.  He would never feel the warmth of the Australian sun on his back again, never walk among the apple trees of his farm again and never feel the kiss of his mother on his cheek, never ever again.

How did this happen?  How did the death of an Austrian Archduke ultimately lead to the death of this young man?

For generations, Australian school children have been taught the Gallipoli legend but in mythicising this particular part of our history, we have lost the truth behind why it ever happened in the first place.  And the truth is scary.

On the 28th of June, 1914, Archduke Franz Ferdinand (heir to the Austrian-Hungarian throne) was assassinated by a member of a Serbian nationalist group while visiting the Balkan city of Sarajevo.

Sure, the Austro-Hungarians were pissed off about the Archduke getting knocked off but there were some power-brokers in Austria who were rubbing their hands with glee.  The Austro-Hungarian government had been wanting to increase its power in the Balkans for ages and this was the perfect opportunity to make it happen.

3 weeks after the Archduke met his maker, the Austro-Hungarians accused the Serbian government of being involved in the assassination.  They issued an ultimatum to Serbia for the assassins to be bought to justice along with a long list of other demands that were so ridiculously severe the Serbian monarchy would effectively be brought to its knees.

The Austro-Hungarians fully expected Serbia would reject the terms of the ultimatum, giving them a perfect excuse to declare war against Serbia and take the country by storm.

But the Austro-Hungarians also knew that Serbia held strong ties with Russia.  If they went to war with Serbia, Russia might stick its nose in and get involved too.  So, the Austrians went and visited their close friends, the Germans, and effectively said 'if we beat up Serbia, and Russia decides to come and beat us up will you come over and help us beat up both Serbia and Russia.'

Germany said 'sure mate, no problems' but that's because Germany had an ulterior motive (more about that in a second).

As expected, Serbia told Austria-Hungary to get stuffed and exactly a month after the Archduke's assassination, Austria declared war on Serbia on the 28th of July, 1914.

Russia, who had signed a treaty to protect Serbia, began to mobilise its army to come to Serbia's defence.

Germany, who had agreed to come to Austria-Hungary's aid should Russia get involved, immediately declared war on Russia on August 1st, 1914.

This is where it all starts getting ridiculous (as if it wasn't ridiculous enough).

Poor old France had signed a diplomatic treaty with Russia back in the 1880's to come to its aid should it ever be threatened.

For years, the Germans had been looking for a way to get their hands on French territory - this was their ulterior motive behind helping the Austrians to begin with - so when France announced it would support Russia, the Germans immediately declared war on France on August 3rd.

The very next day, on August 4th,  the German army moved north and invaded the neutral country of Belgium as this was the quickest route to reach Paris (invading France by crossing the Alps would be near impossible).  The speed at which Belgium was invaded just goes to show how long Germany had been plotting to get into France.

75 years earlier, Britain had signed a treaty to defend the neutral country of Belgium.  When Germany invaded Belgium, Britain committed herself to Belgium's defence the same day and declared war on Germany.

Britain also had a much looser treaty of 'moral obligation' to defend France so either way it was committed to get involved.  Considering you can see the French coast from Britain on a good day, the British were not too keen on having the Germans as neighbours.

Once Britain had entered the fray, her colonies and dominions were quick to offer their military assistance, including Australia, Canada, India, New Zealand and South Africa.

Japan, who also had an alliance with Britain, declared war on Germany on August 13th.

Turkey, who had a beef with Russia, decided to side with Austria-Hungary and Germany in October.  Russia declared war on Turkey on November 2nd and Britain and France declared war on Turkey on November 5th.

And it goes on and on with Italy siding with Britain & France in 1915 and the USA eventually joining the fray, late in 1917.

This is how the first World War came into being.  For no other reason than greed, power and a handful of dusty diplomatic treaties did 10 million soldiers and 7 million civilians lose their lives.

In those last few moments of his life, covered in the blood and mud of the Somme, did Private William Henry Bowman, of the 51st Battalion AIF even know or understand what he was giving his life for?  Did his mother, on receiving a telegraph advising that her first born child was missing in action, presumed dead, think it was worth it?  Was this cause really worth the blood of over 60,000 young Australian men?

Nina Murdoch, an Australian poetess of the time, summed it up in her poem Warbrides -

"This is the bitterest wrong the world wide,

That young men on the battlefield should rot,

And I be widowed who was scarce a bride,

While prattling old men sit at ease and plot."

One thing I do know..... as a nation we don't seem to have learnt from our mistakes - we have not looked at history and learnt a lesson from the terrible price paid.  We've built up the Gallipoli legend to become something almost superhuman in order to create a national identity for ourselves....but in doing so we've ignored the truth of why we were even there in the first place.

Are we still ignoring the truth now?  Is the only difference that we don't leave our dead to rot on the battlefield, we fly them them home instead...

Things I Know: My Book Will Not Write Itself

Some days I sit at my desk day dreaming about JK Rowling and waste time not writing my book and think to myself 'Well done JK.  You've accomplished your goal, you've touched so many lives and you've made it happen for yourself.  You are my hero!'

Other days I sit at my desk day dreaming about JK Rowling and waste time not writing my book  and think to myself 'Well, if I had the chance to sit around on my ass all day in a coffee shop and write my book while living on the dole Im pretty sure I could finish my book too!'

image

But what I do know deep down inside when I really analyse the situation and waste time not writing my book  is that the only person who can write this book is me.  The book will not write itself.  Not one more word of the book will be written unless I sit down and write it.

I know that I have been writing this book for 3 years.  

I know that I am 65,000 words in and 3/4 of the way there.

I know that I go to bed every night with the characters voices in my head.

I know that this story is an awesome story about people and places and events that really happened and not just another vampire or fantasy clone.

I know that every second I spend blogging, volunteering at Scouts, singing in the choir and making costumes for Book Week is one more second I am wasting time not writing my book.

I know that I care about the muse for this book almost as much as I care about my own children and if I waste time not writing my book never get around to finishing it, I will feel as if I have let my muse down.

I know that if I waste time not writing my book never finish what I started, it will just be another thing I started without finishing and I will regret it until the day I die.

I know that I am not in a position/am too scared to quit my full time job and spend 6 hours a day writing my book.

I know that lots of people with full time jobs have not wasted time not writing their books and have completed novels to prove it.

So, if I know all these things, why the hell am I not writing this book!

Advice, encouragement and offers of writing retreats all gratefully accepted :)

Im joining Shae at Yay for Home! for Things I Know and wasting time not writing my book!

10 things in my life right now....

1. Listening


I've been in a strange, somewhat unsettled mood this past week and what do I listen to when I'm in a strange, unsettled mood?.....why indie pop/electronic rock of course!  Favourites on my playlist include - 

• Glory Box by Portishead (truly one of the best songs ever!!!)
• Life in Mono by Mono 
• Mad World by Alex Parks
• Teardrop by Massive Attack
• Radiohead's Creep - this one is an accoustic version performed by Chrissie Hynde from the Pretenders
• Kate Bush's Running Up That Hill performed by Placebo (love love love Placebo - do yourself a favour and listen to this track, its awesome)

Finally my No. 1 awesome song for this week - Goldfrapp's Ooh La La.  Its sexy, its sassy and if you pump it up really loud, it puts you in a much better mood.   I defy anyone to keep still while this song is on - I think it would be a great song to do the vacuuming to, if I actually did the vacuuming.  

2. Eating

My family and friends already know about my penchant for Anathoth Jam, but now I am ready to share my addiction with the blogging world.  Let me just say, unless you have tried Anathoth Jam, you have no idea how delicious jam can really be.  Not only is it a TASTE SENSATION, it actually looks good enough to dip your finger in and the consistency, oh the consistency!  Its just perfect.  And to make it even more perfect - there are no preservatives, no thickeners, no added colours.  This is jam how your granny used to make it (if your granny used to make the world's best, most delicious jam).  My favourite is Raspberry and the Rock God knows not to come home with any other jam other than Anathoth Raspberry Jam unless he wants to drive back down to the shops again.  Anathoth Jam is made by a family business in New Zealand but you can buy it in Woolworths and its very reasonably priced.  Plus it comes in cute plastic 'pottles' that are handy for storing bits and pieces in afterwards.  By the way, I am receiving no endorsement from Anathoth Jam for this post - I just love their jam so much I had to tell the world.

3. Drinking

My drink of choice when having the occasional piss up night out is Bourbon & Dry, on ice.  In a short glass please.  No straw.  And definitely no pre-mix, ugggh.  I am not a fan of alcoholic beverages that are sickly sweet (if it ends with Breezer, its not coming near me), or a shade of green or blue.  I like drinking Bourbon & Dry because it tastes 'alcoholly' without making you gag; its refreshing in summer because of the Dry and warming in winter because of the Bourbon; and I seem to be able to consume rather a lot of them without getting messy - I don't know why, maybe its just me?  I only recently discovered the difference between Bourbon and Whiskey.....apparently all Bourbons are Whiskeys, but not all Whiskeys are Bourbons....to be a Bourbon, the Whiskey has to have been made in America and aged for at least 4 years (whereas Whiskey can have an ageing life of only 2 years).  So there you go.  If you are ever asked that particular question at a Quiz Night you now know the answer.  I shall be looking forward to a few short glasses of Bourbon & Dry this weekend, hold the straw.

4. Wearing

Jodi from the Scribble Den recently posted about her love for lipgloss.  I am a big lipgloss fan too - there is nothing like a bit of mascara and a dash of lipgloss to make you feel 'done' in as little time as possible.  But my next favourite thing is liquid eyeliner.  At the ripe old age of 39, I have only just started using liquid eyeliner but I am loving it and have made it part of my morning mascara/lipgloss ritual.  There is nothing like a sexy cats eye or french flick to get you through your day with a bit of pizzazz.  A word of warning, it does take a bit of practise to get it just right but once you have mastered the steady hand it takes no time at all.  To make it last all day (and I do mean a full 24 hours) I pat a bit of concealer on my eyelid first and then brush a little powder over it to set.  Then I put the liquid eyeliner on.  I generally close my eye, and create an angled line from just above the corner of the eye, tapering it down along the eyelid (you might have to do this a few times to get to the thickness you prefer) then I open my eye and draw a flick from the corner outwards.  Then on with my mascara and oila!

5. Reading

I have barely had any time to think - let alone read - this last fortnight, but I have just bought a new book about Billy Sing, a sniper at Gallipoli, which will be my next exciting read.  In the meantime, I want to tell you about this AMAZING book my sister bought for my big boy who turned 8 this week.  My sister is an excellent buyer of children's presents - last year she bought him a book about Farts, complete with sound effects.  This year, it was an amazing pop up book with the awesome title Encyclopaedia Mythologica: Dragons & Monsters.  The artwork and intricacy of the pop ups in this book are incredible - I've never seen anything like it.  The book is by Matthew Reinhart and Robert Sabuda and is the third in a series.  The other two are Gods & Heroes and Fairies & Magical Creatures.  There is also a set of 3 about prehistoric animals.  Considering the level of detail in these books, they are very reasonably priced - I have seen them online for around $30.

6. Weather

Today is the first day of Spring - yipppeeeee!  Oh, how I have longed for Spring.  I'm not sure if its just Melbourne or everywhere else but this winter has dragged on FOREVER.  Last week we had some lovely days when the sun came out and the skies were blue and I managed to get a heap of washing done without going near my dryer.  I know quite a few people who suffer from SADS (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and this weather has really contributed to them feeling low.  To be honest, if this  winter had kept up much longer I think I might have been pushed over the edge myself!  Coming from WA, I am used to a lot more sun than we get here and some days I literally crave to sit outside and feel the warmth of the sun on my back.  There is no better medicine than that!  Unless its over 35 degrees and you get skin cancer....but you know what I mean.

7. Wanting

Last time I wanted something rather selfish (that divine French provincial table from Early Settler).  But I suppose many of our wants are quite selfish in nature, aren't they?  That's why they are wants and not needs.  There is nothing I am particularly craving for at the moment so I will just have to generalise.  On the high brow, altruistic side of things I want the famine in Africa to end, I want the dolphins in Japan to be saved and I want my kids to be able to walk down to the corner shop without being abducted, molested and killed.  On the low brow, lustful side of things I want a Hermes wrap watch and a tropical holiday.  Oh, and also this cute tote bag I saw on Pinterest which had 'Namaste, bitches' written on the side.  Ironic, really.

8. Feeling

As I said at the beginning of my post, I've been feeling a little unsettled this past week.  This generally happens when I haven't had enough opportunities to express myself creatively, mostly due to a lack of time or not having a project ready to work on.  The other thing that tends to make me unsettled is the general aura of people around me.  Although I love Facebook, sometimes other people's negativity can really get me down.  I can only read so many 'f*** my life' status updates before feeling like I want to retreat to Iceland, live like a hermit and not have to deal with anyone's issues.  And I know I can be guilty of this myself.  So I have decided to make a conscious effort to promote positivity around me.  I am pretty sure it will make me feel better anyway.

9. Thinking

Its coming up to September 3rd.  On that date, 95 years ago, a young boy just 18 years old climbed out of a trench at a place called Mouquet Farm, near Pozieres in France, and went into battle.  He was never seen again.  That boy was my grandfather's oldest brother and to this day we wonder what happened to him.  His body was never found and he has no known grave.  His name appears with over 73,000 others on a wall at the 'Memorial to the Missing' in Thiepval, France.  To this day, the photograph of Bill in his Army uniform hangs on the same nail of the same wall in the same house that he left back in 1915 and never saw again.  At this time of year I think a lot about Bill.  I think about him lying there somewhere under the grass and red poppies of France and it reminds me of Mark Twain's epitaph for his daughter... 'Warm summer sun, shine kindly here; Warm southern wind, blow softly here; Green sod above, lie light, lie light - Goodnight, dear heart, goodnight goodnight.' 

10. Enjoying

Yesterday, my big boy turned eight.  I think eight is a pivotal year for a child in his parent's eyes.  Its really the end of the 'little boy' phase and the beginning of the 'big boy' phase.  At this age, Bailey can read, count, work out consequences, take responsibility and engage in conversations with deeper, universal meanings.  I have enjoyed all the stages of Bailey, but I think I will particularly enjoy this one as his personality develops and becomes more defined (and before he becomes a smelly, horny, ungrateful teenager haha).  

Pinterest Party: Teal, Aquamarine, Eggshell Blue, Sea Foam Green

I'm joining the Pinterest Party at Down That Little Lane.

These are some of my pins from my 'Just Because Your Beautiful' board on Pinterest.