10 things in my life right now....

1. Listening

To be honest, I've been avoiding music like the plague.  Have you ever noticed how many songs apply to you when you're in the middle of an emotional crisis?  Well, maybe not LMFAO's catchy dance hit "I'm sexy and I know it" - I'm not sure that applies at all hahaha -but all the men-hating  ballad/love song type ones.

I've never been one of those people that likes to sit around moping and listening to depressing music when I am down....well, not generally.  And if I was going to sit there in my own misery, I would probably choose something classical and stirring, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata or a Puccini aria (if you have never listened to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata before do yourself a favour, it will stir your soul).

But I had to turn the radio off in the car the other day after a particularly depressing incident during the school run ....Good Charlotte's latest song '1979' was playing.  The chorus lyrics....

All the decades and the years have passed

Not every family is built to last,

No time can take away these memories

Remember when you said to me

That we'd be alright

And I found myself crying in the car thinking about the broken family I come from and the one I have created.  I wasn't crying because it had happened, it was ultimately my decision in the end, but because I/we had failed.  The last 3 years have been so full of hurt, bitterness and resentment and I couldn't make it work in the end.  Its painful to know that our kids will pay the final price for that.  So, yes, I've been avoiding music like the plague.

2. Eating

Still not eating properly....unless you can call Vegemite on toast eating properly :)  Its about the only thing I can be bothered with these days.  I've been cooking for the kids but I find myself sitting down with them at dinner time and either not eating at all or just picking at salad.  The upside of that is I've lost a little weight.  I think what I need is a really good dinner at a really good restaurant, something that will make me sit up and go 'wow! this tastes really good!'.  So I will have to save up my pennies for a big splurge.  If you have any restaurant recommendations in Melbourne, let me know!

3. Drinking

My coffee addiction is being managed quite well, I've been indulging in one or two glasses of wine at night and with the last few days of warmer weather I've even had a beer or two!  I've just discovered a great new bar in the city,  courtesy of the Melbourne Writers Social Group, where we meet for drinks every Tuesday night.  

The bar is called is The Wharf and is situated at the bottom of the World Trade Centre right on the banks of the Yarra.  Its directly across the river from the Melbourne Exhibition building.  Its a great place for meeting friends and having a drink - lots of space, awesome river/city views, great prices and close to transport (Southern Cross Station is a short walk up the road and there are trams nearby on Spencer St near Crown Casino).  Check it out if you get the chance!

4. Wearing

Spandex and lots of it!  What wonderful stuff Spandex is....my warm thanks go out to C.L. Sandquist and Joseph Shivers who invented Spandex in 1959 :)  I remember my mother telling me that my grandmother (who was born in 1916 and lived to the age of 94) wore a girdle every day of her life.  I'm beginning to think this was a fabulous idea!

After having 4 kids in 5 years, my body is never going to be the same again.  Even if I slogged my ass off at the gym for the next 12 months with a personal trainer, there are some things that have been stretched that cannot be unstretched (lol, actually probably quite a few things hahaha) and this is where Spandex is my friend :)

Recently I had to perform infront of a television camera crew while wearing a purple satin ballgown (more on this in coming weeks).  Now we all know that television adds like 10 kilos or something and let me just tell you that purple satin ballgowns add at least another 10 kilos.....but in my Spandex all-in-one sucker upperer, body slimming, fat trimming, flesh molding, boob holding wonder from Ricki-Lee Coulter's "Hold Me Tight" range (available at Big W nationally and from their online store) I felt fantastic!  

Okay, so if I'm ever in a situation where Hugh Grant whisks me off my feet for a night of seduction I will have to own up to my Spandex saviour, ala Bridget Jones and her granny knickers, but I think I'll take that calculated risk :)

5. Reading

I've just finished reading Evelyn Waugh's "Decline and Fall" for the second, or is it third, time.  I do so love reading Waugh and this is a light, amusing read.  Decline and Fall was Waugh's first novel, published in 1928.

I've been lucky to pick up quite a few of Waugh's books at the secondhand Book Fair held every Saturday in the atrium at Federation Square (near the NGV/BMW Edge).  Trawling around the Book Fair is my favourite way to spend a Saturday morning in the city.  

I'm desperately seeking the third book in Waugh's trilogy 'Sword of Arms' so if you see a copy of 'Unconditional Surrender' lying around, please let me know!

Next on my reading list is "The Book Thief" which was recommended to me by a friend in Glasgow (an English Lit professor who always recommends awesome books that I might not read otherwise).  The author, Markus Zusak, is a young Australian guy so I'm very keen to read it.

6. Weather

Its definitely getting warmer in Melbourne, in fact its been quite humid over the last couple of weeks.  A big storm rolled through last night and had my lights flickering but today is all blue skies and fluffy white clouds.

The other afternoon I sat outside on my front steps while the boys were playing outside and felt the sun on my back and I instantly felt like I was back in WA.  Oh how I have missed that warm feeling.  I can't wait for summer to get here and stick around for a while! 

7. Wanting

I really want to take the boys on a holiday - I'd love to do a campervan/motorhome type thing and drive up to Canberra and Sydney or maybe take the ferry over to Tasmania.  But Christmas is approaching and single mum budget restraints do not allow for $2,000 holidays.

So, I figure we will have to stick to camping this Christmas.  I am a little bit nervous about it - having never camped on my own with the kids - but then again, their dad was completely hopeless at setting up our tent and I would generally end up doing it on my own anyway while throwing daggers in his direction for his complete lack of tent-setting-up-ability.

Yep, I think I'm up to the single mum camping challenge :)

8. Feeling

I am feeling less weighed down these days although I still feel like I'm in limbo - not quite married and not quite single.   Its been nearly 3 months and I guess it will take a period of time for things to adjust, calm down and get back some level of equilibrium. It has been a bit of a struggle getting into a routine and sorting out who has the kids when and where but I think we have it sorted now.

As we are sharing custody I end up on my own a few nights a week and one day every weekend so I've been using that time to get out and about and keep busy instead of moping around missing the boys.   In between meeting up with the writers group, choir rehearsals and working on the book, I'm keeping myself pretty busy.  Keeping myself from feeling, anything.

9. Thinking

With all this time on my hands, I've been spending a lot of time thinking - 

• are relationships fundamentally flawed, 
• are people supposed to be monogamous, 
• does compromising mean conceding, 
• is following your heart to find happiness, at the expense of hurting others, ever okay, 
• did Neitzsche have it right all along, 
• should I get a cat, 
• is it better to protect yourself from being hurt so it can never happen again or allow yourself to be vulnerable, 
• is 'frisson' just a nicer way of explaining dopamine addiction, 
• is independence another word for selfishness, 
• is there any point in dating when you have 4 kids and are not interested in being in another relationship (and are a cynical bitch most of the time)
• is sex with your ex really the VERY BAD idea that I think it is, etc. etc.

Each and any of these could be its own blog post :) So, if I run out of inspiration in the short term, expect to see a blog post titled 'Should I get a Cat vs. Old Cat Lady Syndrome'

10. Enjoying

I've been really enjoying writing again - especially on the book.  I've written more words towards the book in the last 6 weeks than I have in the last 18 months and it feels great.  Strange coincidence huh.

I've been carrying a notebook with me wherever I go and when ideas/character conversations are going through my head but I don't have time to write I quickly note them down so I don't forget.  The creative juices are really flowing at the moment and not just on the book but new story ideas and plots and themes are swirling around in my brain.  Its been a very long time since that happened.

Writing this blog has been a great help, as have the Write on Wednesday and 5 Sentence Fiction weekly writing challenges.  Probably the biggest motivation and inspiration though has been joining the Melbourne Writers Social Group.  The MWSG meets once a week and is a group of new, emerging, published and non-published writers based in Melbourne.  Over a few drinks we chat about books, reading, writing, plot, themes, scripts, motivation, achievements, goal setting, etc.  This is proper grown up conversation with grown up people and I love it!  Its a very informal setting and less structured than most of the literary 'critique' groups that exist in Melbourne.

You can find out more about the Melbourne Writers Social Group here -

Email: melbournewriters@gmail.com

Twitter: @MelbCityWriters

Facebook: Melbourne Writers Social Group

Website: http://melbournewriters.wordpress.com